|Umeda at night. Good view.|
Saturday, March 1, 2014
Tuesday, February 25, 2014
Sunday. I still had white veiling glare and halos the morning after surgery, though they had become thinner and less pronounced. My left eye had cleared up well over night and I no longer had much double vision or blur; meanwhile, the right eye had gotten a bit worse than the day before.
I had surgery at the main clinic in Kobe, but I had the day-after checkup at the clinic in Umeda. By the time we got there, both eyes were getting worse again. Fluctuations, we have them. I had 0.8 and 0.9 visual acuity; good but not great(1). Of course, I had 0.06 and 0.08 before LASIK so the improvement was already like night and day.
I had "bandage" contact lenses after the surgery to protect the corneal flaps. I got the right lens removed, but the physician thought it best to keep the left contact lens for a few more days. I got cleared to wash my face and hair again, and that's a great relief. It's amazing how much your scalp can itch when you know you can't wash your hair.
Tuesday. Today I had a quick appointment to check my left eye. It's healing nicely so the contact was removed. I also had a new vision test, and I now have 1.5 in my left eye and 2.0 (!) in my right. I suspect that's a fluke; my vision is still fluctuating, and we might have just caught the right eye at one extreme. Anything from 1.2 upwards will make me happy.
People worry a lot about night vision after LASIK. The causes of poor night vision are mostly second-order astigmatism and refraction from the edges of the flap. Wavefront-guided LASIK removes most second-order astigmatism, and laser-cut flaps should give thinner edges with less scarring, so night vision shouldn't be too affected.
When I wore glasses I used to have some haloing, glare, double vision and starbursts at night. If I wore contacts it was much worse. All I have now are large, faint, soft halos around light sources that are easy to ignore, and that should mostly disappear as my eyes heal. My night vision is already much better than when I wore glasses, and I expect it to improve further still. It is absolutely no problem for me in other words.
I do still have a bit of ghosting in my left eye. The cause could be inflammation, dryness, the still-healing flap or aftereffects from the contact lens, in which case it'll go away. Or it could be residual astigmatism, in which case it won't. It's nothing like my previous astigmatism, and not really noticeable unless I look for it. Still, I hope it will disappear over time.
I'll have the one-week appointment on Friday, then another one a month from now. I'll use the protective glasses and the three eye drops the rest of the week, then switch to just a mild anti-inflammatory agent for a week after that.
Apparently I shouldn't swim, use a sauna or visit an onsen for two weeks; that's fine. I also can't use eye-lash extensions or do violent sports for at least a month; I'll do my best to contain my disappointment.
Sunday, February 23, 2014
As I mentioned last month, I decided to finally undergo LASIK surgery to improve my eyesight. I had the surgery yesterday.
It really started on Wednesday three days ago, when I started on antibiotic eyedrops. The whole idea had felt distant up until then, but now it really hit me that yes, someone will soon clamp down my eyeballs, slice off the surface, then burn off bits of the eye with a laser(1). I know it's quite safe but that didn't stop me from worrying about it.
Saturday morning we took the train to Kobe and the clinic. I tried to be calm, but in just another hour I'd get tied up into a chair while a crazed madman in a bloodied butcher apron gouges out my eyeballs with a chainsaw, then sears the gaping holes with a blowtorch(2). I was actually more nervous than when I took out my impacted wisdom tooth last year. Your eyes feel very personal, very vulnerable. And with dental work I know what to expect(3) but this is the first time I've had anything medical happen to my eyes.
At the clinic I checked in, paid and gave them my consent form. The counsellor went through the procedure and possible consequences again. I got a pair of protective glasses for the first week and some eyedrops; in addition to the antibiotic I already used I got an anti-inflammatory drug and a moisturizer to take four times a day. She gave me a painkiller, then led me to the waiting area where I kept fidgeting nervously until my name was called(4).
In the dimly lit prep room I got a gown and a hair cover (no photography allowed, unfortunately). A nurse gave me a set of numbing and sterilizing drops, and checked that my name and procedure were correct. In the operating room itself the residing surgeon(5) checked my eyes a final time before I got into the chair. My head was clamped down, eye area covered up and one nurse held my hand(6) as the surgery started.
The actual procedure is quick, and all you need to do is keep still and look at the bright light. The eye is clamped down quite hard, while a laser cuts a flap with a series of small holes. It didn't hurt at all, but the clamp-down pressure is quite noticeable and I actually felt the laser as a series of faint pinpricks. With both flaps done the chair swings around to the other laser.
They lift the flap and give you more numbing drops. Everything goes completely blurry; the red blinking dot you're supposed to focus becomes a large, vague blob. The laser runs a series of pulses over thirty seconds or so that shapes your cornea. Finally the surgeon sets the flap back into place with a thin metal scraping bar and a squeegee. That was actually the scariest part, as you really see and sort-of feel the tools go across your own eye.
My left eye flap was quite thin and he had a little trouble setting it properly. To protect the flap the first few
hours he put in a pair of soft contact lenses that would be removed during the next-day check-up. He told me everything had gone well, and to expect fairly pronounced white halos for the first couple of days. I got out of the chair, he checked the eyes again — everything seemed fine — and I was free to leave.
On our way to lunch the world felt much wider and larger than before. Things were kind of blurry and shifting but already much better than before surgery. My right eye seemed fairly good already, while the left was blurry and with some double vision. I had strong halos and the white veiling glare I'd been warned about, and I really didn't see anything at all close up; it was much worse than I'd expect even with my presbyopia, and so bad I couldn't even use my phone.
By nightfall, after lunch and a nap, my vision had improved further. The left eye was still blurry and had double vision, but my close-up vision was more normal now, and the halos were not bad. A pair of 100-yen store reading glasses now let me use my computer.
There was never any pain. The first couple of hours my eyes felt gritty and tired, as if you've spent a long day wearing contact lenses in a dry, dusty environment. By evening they felt completely normal again; the eye drops really help here. I never got a headache from the sudden shift in vision, and I normally do whenever I change my glasses prescription. The pain killers I'd received remained unopened and unused.
So, I had decent sight in my right eye, blurry sight with double-vision in my left, lots of halos around everything, and I felt I was looking through a thin sheet of rice paper. Wearing both contacts and plastic protective glasses was of course not helping things. But I had no pain and no discomfort, and my vision was improving already. So far, so good.
I wish people would just ask. It never causes offence. I understand my name is hard to figure out, so I'm happy when someone asks. I ask too when I don't get a Japanese name right.
Friday, February 14, 2014
I'm not much of a gamer these days. I don't have all that much free time, and what game time I do have is amply covered with Humble Bundle games and Minecraft. Besides, as I use Linux choice has been limited. I play more often on my Android tablet than on my desktop.
I've been vaguely aware that I've missed out on some game-culture touchstones, and that many of them are available on a game service called Steam. That has been available for Linux for a while now, and it was in the news lately when it gave free games to any Ubuntu or Debian developers. So, I thought I'd see what this "steam" thing is all about.
I made an account and downloaded the Linux client (all of which is free) from the Ubuntu repository. The client started, updated itself and let me log in. Very smooth, very painless.
The client itself is made for players in their 20's and 30's. How do I know? The text is grey-on-dark-grey and tiny. You are clearly not supposed to have presbyopia as a gamer. It's decently easy to navigate, though.
The Steam client. I'm sure the game blurbs are amazingly enticing, but tiny grey-on-grey text? I'd get a headache trying to read them. Other than that the client works well.
First I wanted to install something — anything — just to test my set-up. I don't want to spend money on a game only to find out nothing works. I browsed the free game area, and while most are Windows only there's a few for Linux as well.
I picked a game called "Dwarfs". Didn't look too inspiring, but it doesn't matter for a test. Steam downloaded and installed it fine. I tried to start it — and nothing. It wouldn't start. I go digging a bit and find that Steam sensibly installs itself and all games under a ~/.local/ subdirectory in your home. I try to start the game directly and see that it crashes on startup.
A bit of googling turns up lots of Linux users with the exact same problem, dating back several months. A quick fix (adding a symlink) lets the game start and run, but it still crashes whenever you finish a level. That makes it impossible to finish the tutorial for instance. Not a very promising first impression of the Steam system.
The comments suggest it's this one game that's bad. I want to try some of the games I've missed, and at the top on my list is a game called Portal. It's famous — when even I have repeatedly heard of it, it has to be — and I know many people love it to bits. It's made by Valve, the company behind Steam, so the Linux port is bound to be decent.
I add it to my shopping basket, register my Visa card and pay for the game (a reasonable 1000 yen) and let it download. I click on the "Start" button, hoping the experience will be better this time around, and ...
Oh yes, this is the good stuff. Portal is pure, 100% unadulterated gaming crack. The game pulls you in the moment you hit the start screen and it doesn't let go. You wake up in some sort of research facility, and have to try to get out, one room at a time. An in-game voice guides you as you move from room to room.
It's an older game, so it works smoothly and flawlessly even on my laptop with integrated Intel graphics. Installation took just a few moments and startup is quick. And there's nothing old about the game to me; the graphics and lighting are smooth and detailed and capture the mood perfectly.
You start in the glass-walled cell on the left. The red and blue holes are portals; from the red portal you actually look through the blue exit at the same cell from a different direction. You can easily see yourself too if you want.
The game hook is deceptively simple: there are "portals", paired entrance and exit holes. Anything that enters one hole comes out the other. You can place these holes anywhere, including floors and ceilings. The game is centred around placing and using these portals in creative ways to solve puzzles and get out of each room.
The execution is brilliant. You soon realize that there's quite a back-story, and the guiding voice is not just a neutral guide but an in-game character in their own right. The game is brimming with small details that enhance the atmosphere, and the sound and music add another layer to the game. As a thoughtful detail there's not just subtitles but also close captioning so you can play just fine without sound too.
Steam is a worthy addition to any Linux system. It's not without flaws, however. People seem to have complained about font sizes for years so that's unlikely to be addressed. But they should not leave a non-working game in the store for months — especially as it's likely to be one of the first games any new user is likely to try on their Linux box. It makes for a bad first impression.
In fact, I think a good idea would be to have 2-3 free games from different genres preselected for new accounts; games that are known to work well, showcases Steam and gives people an easy, reassuring test that everything works.
If you are a Linux user and have any interest at all in games, you really should take a look at Steam. And if you haven't played Portal it's time you did. You won't regret it.
Monday, February 10, 2014
After Christmas in Sweden, we left for New Year in southern Thailand. That turned into far more of an adventure — in the "bad things happened" sense — than we'd planned for. Excitement certainly tends to be more fun afterwards than when it's actually happening to you.
Part I: Wherein our spirited sightseers find themselves in a lodging-related pickle
The excitement started when we reached Peace Laguna hotel in Ao Nang. We'd flown overnight from Stockholm and arrived in Bangkok before dawn. After a few hours at Bangkok airport we boarded a flight to Krabi, then took a taxi to our hotel and gave the front desk our booking number and confirmation.
That's when we found out that the hotel had cancelled our reservation weeks ago. The hotel never emailed us or tried to contact us in any way. No, they let us come all the way to Ao Nang to find out first-hand that we had no room at the hotel.
They said they cancelled our room when they didn't get an advance payment from Xpedia, the travel site we'd used. When we and Xpedia both pointed out that the booking was for payment on arrival, they changed their story and claimed my Visa card had failed to work. But the card has never failed before, and my bank later confirmed there had been no problem with the card at the time. They had no reason to try to access the card a month early — and again, they never contacted us about any problems even though they had our email address, street address and phone numbers.
It was peak season so the hotel was fully booked, as were all other hotels in the area. The manager was completely uninterested in helping us find other accommodation. He wouldn't even let us use their phones to call around; we had to use our own Japanese mobile phones. Fortunately a local travel agency had a desk at the hotel, and their representative set out to help us find a room.
As we called around to find some place to stay we soon realized we weren't alone. Other guests at Peace Laguna had their reservations cancelled, or they only got some of the nights they'd booked. The travel agency rep had his hands full trying to help people with nowhere to stay. It might have been an overbooking cock-up at the hotel, but several people claimed the hotel may have been deliberately cancelling early low-rate bookings in favour of later higher-paying guests.
We learned a few things about how hotel bookings actually work. A booking all by itself is just a vague non-binding promise to try to hold a room for you. To make it a binding agreement you want to pay in advance, not on arrival. If you've paid, the hotel has an obligation to provide you with the service you've paid for. So if they double-book by accident, for instance, the booking that's already paid gets the room and the payment-on-arrival booking is cancelled.
We scoured the online booking sites and found a possibly empty room for the last four nights at Ao Nang Vogue hotel. But hotel sites aren't directly connected to the hotel booking systems; when you book they send an email request to the hotel, and they will confirm or reject the booking. This hotel was just up the road, so we walked over to see if it really was available.
It was not available, unfortunately, but even though we weren't their customers — and even though we were sweaty, dishevelled, and still in the same dirty travel clothes we'd worn since Stockholm — the manager went the extra mile for us and called around to other managers in the same hotel group to see if they could shake loose a a room. This, I note, was more than anybody at Peace Laguna bothered to do for us.
And fortunately she found a room for the last four nights, including New Year, at Amari Vogue Resort further up the coast. Higher budget and more remote than we'd planned for, and we'd have to switch rooms the last night, but still as close to perfect as we could ever hope for. We had a place to stay over the New Year festivities.
Part II:Their New Year plans secured through a fortuitous meeting and the aid of a stranger, our tired travellers turn their thoughts toward the increasingly urgent question of where to spend the coming night.
That still left us with nowhere to stay for the first two nights. Night was falling, and we needed someplace — anyplace — to sleep. The tour company rep had finally given up on finding us anything around Ao Nang; instead he asked a colleague to drive us into Krabi town to look for a place. At seven in the evening we boarded a car and hopefully saw the last of Peace Laguna for the rest of our lives.
Amit, the tour rep that drove us, was pretty confident we'd find something. Krabi is a sizable town with many kinds of hotels. The first couple of hotels had no rooms. Neither did the next cluster. Some backpacker places were all full. As time passed we moved into seedier and seedier parts of town, still with no place to stay, and Amit started to mumble that perhaps we could crash at his place.
Right at that point, a late no-show and a chance phone call found us a room for one night only at Andamanee Boutique Resort back at Ao Nang.
Andamanee Boutique Resort is a small family-run resort hotel back aways from the town. It's quiet and pleasant, with a cluster of two- and three story buildings set around a large central pool. The daughter is the general manager, helpful and very efficient; if she didn't have the hotel she'd probably run a major corporation or a medium-sized country.
We got there at nine in the evening. We hadn't eaten since before dawn when we landed in Bangkok the same morning, and we hadn't slept more than a few hours on the flight from Stockholm. We still wore the same clothes as when we left the hotel in Stockholm 36 hours earlier. We immediately ordered — well, begged for, really — a pizza, then hit the room shower.
When the manager came with the food, she gave us a ten-minute crash course in hotel booking and management, then explained that the fault of this mess most likely lies with Peace laguna Hotel. Her father knew the former owner, but he'd passed away the previous year and the current manager probably doesn't really know what he's doing.
Both the manager and a friend on Google+ suggested we try Agoda.com to find a room in Thailand. Unlike most booking sites they are in direct contact with their hotels, so rooms you find there are likely to be available.
We found a bungalow at Ao Nang Tropical Resort (don't confuse it with "Ao Nang Tropical Resort Hotel"; it's a different place). Note also that Google Maps gives you the wrong position — the right spot is about here. Not easy to find; they don't even have a website of their own.
It's a tiny place — just fifteen rooms in all — and while it's no more than fifty meters from the Ao Nang main street it's placed in a lush jungle-like garden that completely hides the noise and the view of surrounding buildings. It really feels like a remote forest resort. The (co-)owner is Swedish, and most guests we met were Swedish as well. There's a nice pool, a table-tennis table (a common pastime for Swedish families) and a bar and lounge area where couples were having a drink while a family was playing cards and enjoying themselves.
The place is charmingly messy. That is, the front area is cluttered, the original shower pipes are replaced with a wall-mounted water heater, one unused building is tumbling down, the occasional chair or light can be broken and so on. But everything is clean and everything works well enough(1), and they seem to be renovating things over time. We both really loved this place, and I envy the kids that get to stay here. The atmosphere is great, and our regret is that we stayed only a single night.
Part III:The spectre of temporary homelessness averted, our avuncular adventurers can finally relax and enjoy their stay in Ao Nang.
Ao Nang is loud and tacky, with t-shirt and souvenir shops lining up between bars, cafes and restaurants. The food places are frequently be staffed by Indians, and most of them offer the same combination of standard Thai, Indian and Italian dishes. Mixed in you also have tour operators, tailors, tattoo parlours and massage salons.
It's infested with Swedes. You hear Swedish everywhere and shops sometimes have Swedish names. Touts will shout in Swedish, and signs will sometimes be in Thai and Swedish. A small supermarket had no English-language newspapers, but carried both major Swedish evening tabloids.
Ao Nang is a fun, gaudy place, and were we still in our 20's I'd have loved spending the entire week there. But we're old enough to have been there and done that, so a few nights in town is plenty. We ate — you don't come to Ao Nang for the food — walked and I had a wonderful 30-minute shoulder massage. The most fun is simply to sit somewhere and watch other people enjoying themselves.
Ao Nang over with, we took a car to Amari Vogue Resort up the coast. It's about half an hour from Ao Nang, right next to a national park and fairly secluded(2). There's a nice beach for swimming, a couple of small, beautiful pools, two restaurants, a spa and a bar. Not a hotspot of bustling activity, but peace and quiet is exactly what we needed after the hotel drama and the noise of Ao Nang.
The rooms are large and beautiful, the service very good without becoming pushy and the food is fine. We knew we had to switch rooms the last night, and the hotel upgraded our room for the trouble. We stayed only four nights, including New Year, so we had no issues with the variety of foods, but I can imagine that you might want to plan for dinner elsewhere an evening or two if you stay longer.
We try to go snorkeling when we can. It's a fun activity to do together and I can indulge in photography as well. Snorkeling in the area is good, if not up to the level of Okinawa. There's some coral and tropical wildlife, though the visibility can be low and there's an inordinate amount of people absolutely everywhere.
It's no secret that we like cooking, and this time we went for a four-hour evening cooking class at Siam Cuisine. The program promised six dishes, which sounds like a lot to cram into four hours. We needn't have worried; the Thai dishes we made are all the kind that you quickly fry up and cook just before you eat. Still, we were busy enough that I had almost no time for pictures.
Everyone chose their own set of six dishes. Options were strongly suggested but you could choose other ones if you wanted. Ritsuko and I made sure we chose different dishes, and Ritsuko chose deep-fried spring rolls instead of fried noodles.
Together we made fried rice and spring rolls; tom yum soup and coconut chicken soup (the difference is really only the coconut milk and chili paste); papaya salad and seafood salad; green curry and red curry (green fresh chilies or red dried in the paste), and chicken with cashew nuts. The teacher showed us how to make sticky coconut rice. Trivially simple and very good; we'll try it with mochi rice some day.
We'd cook a pair of dishes then sit down and eat, cook the next pair then eat again and so on. Brisk pace and really too much food, but you learn a lot in a short time. The real eye-opener for me was the curry; we made the curry paste from scratch with a stone mortar and pestle, and it's really a lot easier to make than I thought. The paste will last for months in the fridge, and when you make it yourself you can adjust the strength and flavour exactly the way you want it.
We celebrated New Year at Amari Vogue. The hotel had a large buffet with food ranging from traditional Thai dishes, risotto, and veal to seafood, sushi and sashimi. People immediately formed a line for the sushi; I didn't feel I needed any, but Ritsuko took a few bites. A pretty good two-person band was playing throughout the evening, and a dance troupe entertained with varying skill. The hotel room facilities manager did great success with a drag-queen impersonation of Lady Gaga. Fun evening, and a great way to finish the year.
Epilogue:Safely back home, our resolute ramblers can relax and reflect on the trip.
It started out as a near-disaster, but I think we accidentally hit on the best way to experience Krabi. A whole week in Ao Nang is fine if you're in your 20's, but a couple of nights are enough for an adult. A remote high-class resort is wonderful — until you realize you'll be eating at the same place about half a dozen times in a week. So a few nights in the busy town then a few nights at a quiet resort is just about perfect.
Andamanee Boutique Resort is a good place to stay. It's quiet and relaxing and with a big, beautiful pool, but it's close to Ao Nang so you can go there and back with minimal fuss. Seems a perfect place to bring children or elderly relatives, or if you want to mix a resort stay with the seaside party life.
And I would certainly recommend Ao Nang Tropical Resort. It's really a remarkable, quiet oasis right in the middle of Ao Nang — you can go from noisy, tacky town to run-down and atmospheric remote jungle resort within fifty steps. I want to stay there again. Now if only they'd get their online presence sorted out with some kind of website I could link to.
Amari Vogue Resort is listed as a five-star resort and I have no reason to disbelieve it. The service and facilities were excellent from start to finish. The rooms are spacious and well-furnished, the service very good and the facilities all impeccably clean and well maintained. The New Years party was well organized and a lot of fun. It was a few days of complete down-time with not a worry in the world. A rare thing for me, and something we appreciated more than anything else on this trip.
I would recommend Peace Laguna Resort only to my enemies. They can't go bankrupt soon enough, and I'll have a celebratory drink when they do. It's not that they double booked, it's he ham-fisted way they handled it. They cancelled our booking three weeks early and never tried to contact us. They repeatedly changed their excuses for canceling, and they were completely uninterested in helping us out when we showed up without a room to stay in.
From the tour operator that worked to find a room for us and the other people rejected by Peace Laguna; his colleague Amit that drove us around for hours at night to help us find some place to stay; the manager of Ao Nang Vogue and her colleague at Amari Vogue that got us a place for New Year; and Andamanee Boutique Resort that accepted a suspicious late night booking and even cooked pizza for a couple of dejected, starving guests. They all helped a couple of strangers — not even their own customers — and we just can't express our gratitude enough. They collectively turned our trip from a disaster to not just a memorable vacation, but one that became far better than the one we'd planned.
You can find a set of all Krabi pictures here.
Thursday, February 6, 2014
So, the JLPT results are in again. I got 95/180, where passing score is 100. But as I chronicled earlier, I managed to screw up, ran out of time and never answered the last two sets of reading questions at all. And those questions are worth the most points of all in the test.
With that in mind, 95 points is really quite good. Had I managed to answer those questions I'd probably have passed, so I'm not unhappy at all. This year I'll pass.
Monday, January 27, 2014
I've worn glasses for most of my life. I'm nearsighted and I've got moderate astigmatism as well. I think I got my first pair at around 8 or 9 years of age, when my teacher realized I couldn't see the text on the blackboard. I've been completely dependent on glasses ever since. This has never bothered me — glasses work well and they add a bit of character to my face.
But a few years ago I started developing presbyopia, so I've been using bifocals, glasses that let you see far through the upper part, and focus close through the lower. Or that's the theory. I need to correct my astigmatism as well, so the lens design becomes a compromise. I really only see well along a narrow vertical strip in the visual field. I have to move my head constantly to read or use a computer.
In practice I need two pairs of glasses, one pair for seeing far, and a second pair that give me a wide field of view close up. Two pairs of glasses to fumble with on the train and at work yet still never seeing really well - now that is a bother. A few weeks ago, an acquaintance blogged about his LASIK surgery here in Japan, and that prompted me to take a look for myself.
With LASIK you cut open a flap in the surface layer of the cornea, then reshape the cornea itself with a laser1. At first they only corrected nearsightedness. Then they started to correct astigmatism but only the overall shape, not smaller irregularities. As a result people would often get minor side effects such as low contrast and glare at night. No real problem compared to bad eyesight, but I was happy with glasses so I saw no need to rush.
But now I'm no longer happy. It's now possible to do a much more precise correction than earlier. With the latest methods you map the light paths through the eye, then calculate how to reshape the cornea to correct not just the major errors but smaller irregularities too. That should reduce the risk of visual side effects.
This weekend I went to the Kobe Kanagawa clinic in Sannomiya for an eye exam. The exam took over an hour but was mostly a sequence of "put your chin here, look into this machine. Don't blink. Great!", as various machines measured my visual errors, pupil size, corneal thickness, intraocular pressure and other parameters. I also got a careful manual eye test and a medical eye exam.
My vision problems are moderate, I've got above average corneal thickness and no other eye-related issues. LASIK surgery should suit me fine, and my cornea is thick enough to do a second corrective surgery if the first one isn't perfect.
I will still need glasses when reading or when I use a computer or tablet2. But it would be simple reading glasses, with no need to switch between pairs. And I could go completely without glasses when going out for walks, taking pictures, or when swimming, snorkeling or skiing.
I have a date for surgery next month. The actual procedure takes only ten minutes or so, but I start eye drops three days beforehand, and have follow-up exams and wear protective glasses for a week afterwards. The vision will apparently not stabilize fully for a month or longer, so I will need a temporary pair of reading glasses until I can fit new lenses to my regular pairs.
A bit nervous, but I'm looking forward to it.